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And Yet, The Old Man’s Narration Makes The Sex Hotter
If we told you, "Hey, we found a cool Portugese sex scene over which an old man narrates in his cracked molasses voice," you'd probably pass and go look at some amateur porn with a young woman moaning...
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A Wake-Up Call From Sophia Takal’s Boobs
As nice as it sounds, most of us would rather not wake up to breakfast in bed. It's all up in your business first thing in the morning, you get toast crumbs and yolk bits all over your sheets, and...
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Netflix Picks: We Crave Bikini Babes
Having read a report on all the nudity and threesomes and ubiquitous bikininess in Harmony Korine's newest film, "Spring Breakers," we're feeling a powerful hunger for scantily clad beach babes....
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Let’s Learn About Iceland’s Drug Trade, Also Cunnilingus
"Black's Game" is an Icelandic film inspired by the burgeoning drug trade that popped up in Reykjavik during the '90s. To be honest, we don't know a darn thing about Iceland's underworld, so we look...
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Sex In Garages: Why Don’t We Do It More?
Maybe you have too many boxes and dirty tools and overturned cans of paint in your garage, but for the rest of us who tend to keep things tidy, the garage seems like a groovy place to screw. Throw a...
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Stripper Choreography Is Best Left To Strippers
Unless this Australian mob boss used to be a Chippendale's dancer, we don't think he should be barking orders at the lovely woman working the pole on stage. Even if he owns the club (as crime lords...
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What Are You Doing? Follow That Naked River Nymph!
Here we have two zoology students on an expedition into uncharted wolf territory, and we're sure they're doing good work there, because this country's wolf population often gets dangerously low and it...
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You Can Always Count On “Lake Placid” For Skinny Dipping Fun
In case you were wondering how many iterations of "Lake Placid" have been brought to life, the answer is five, this being the fifth. Embarrassingly, we've seen them all, but we have to say that the...
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Shower, Stress, Sex, Shower, Etc.
We wish we could reach out and comfort Yvonne Catterfeld, but honestly, if having sex and taking showers isn't doing the trick, we don't know what will. Weed? Maybe we'll give this character from a...
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Netflix Picks: Bildungsroman For Babes
The bildungsroman--or, as it's expressed in softcore cinema, the teen sex romp--is one of our favorite genres because it reminds us of the often humbling and sometimes humiliating trials that every...
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Coming Soon: Bare-Ass Backwards Water Slide Fun!
Lily Sullivan only has three acting credits to her name, but we bet you're going to be hearing a whole lot more about her once "Mental" hits theaters in March. Not only does Lily have the honor of...
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Laetitia Casta? More Like Laetitia Assta!
We mean that in the nice way! Like, her name should be Assta because that booty of hers is bananas and it's all over the place in "Do Not Disturb." Also, we're not trying to conflate Laetitia with...
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This “Dormant Beauty” Erupts Before Your Eyes
You know who we ought to appreciate more? (Besides our moms.) Alba Rohrwacher. She was awesome in "Come Undone," super smoldering in "I Am Love," and we are totally dying to roll in the sheets with...
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“Azuloscurocasinegro,” The Color Of Cuddly Conjugal Visits
Paula wants to get pregnant so she can be moved to the jail's maternity ward and avoid being harassed by the other inmates; Antonio, another prisoner who is in love with Paula, is sterile, so he gets...
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Netflix Picks: Deliciously Dangerous Dames
In real life, we like our significant others to be kind, gentle, warm-hearted people who enjoy spreading love in the world. In our fantasies, we only want to date evil, manipulative babes who treat...
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Here’s An Amazing Morning Striptease “Because I Love You”
We don't talk about this enough, but we love you. Yes, you! The Fleshbot reader, the potent pervert, the thoughtful ogler: you are a special one. Will you be our Valentine? No? Well, here's Courtney...
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“Helen Of Troy” Never Wore Bras, Why Should You?
The next time someone gets on your case about wearing translucent clothing with no bra, you tell them, "Hey, Helen of Troy never wore a bra, and she had thousands upon thousands of Achaeans sack a...
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Next Time, Announce Your Orgasm With Sign Language
You know what we don't see enough of? Deaf sex. We're not trying to fetishize the hearing impaired, but we think sign language is beautiful, and given that Doona Bae and her man are already...
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Nothing Hurts Like A Naked Woman Swimming Away
She turns her back on you, looks over her shoulder, enters the water, and then goes on her way. It's such a natural thing to do, it's probably behavior we inherited from our fishy ancestors, and no...
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The Proper Way To Appreciate Big Ol’ Boobies
The proper way to appreciate big ol' boobies is to build a shrine to every pair that you see. Unfortunately, thanks to overpopulation and plastic surgery, we're running out of places to put shrines....
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